Transgending a barrier...

I was just going through a blog of a friend recently, when i came across an article he had written regarding the eunuchs or hijras he comes across in the second class compartments of our trains. What he mentions ther, rang a bell in my mind. The fact is, while i do consider myself an extremely tolerant individual, i have to admit, even i have felt a sense of repulsion at the claps which accompany their arrival, whenever i am in a train. And i hav also been guilty of handing over loose change to them, just so that i can get rid of them.
While they do behave seemingly despicably in public, i was curious. What i have read up makes me feel that all they are doing is getting their back on a society which has given them nothing but ridicule and harassment. Most of these hijras are basically males who realising they are gay, just could not tolerate the idea of living with a woman, and, in the face of the unforgiving public, decided to castrate themselves and join one of the hijra households. Their main source of livelihood became begging and prostitution, not by choice, but because they are simply not recognised to get a job elsewhere. There are a few, though, who are born without their genitals. For the most though, they have to undergo a painful castration procedure, before they can achieve so called salvation. Through my pals blog, i came across this fascinating link regarding their existence. Do read it.

http://www.thingsasian.com/stories-photos/2022


You do wonder, and feel, for these people. India is a country based on rigid social norms and customs. The idea of even accepting a homosexual, is something people would shudder away from. I do wonder, when are we ever going to realise? To each his own..If somebody is gay, that hardly is their fault. And while i would like to believe that this is a norm only with the older generation, some experiences i have had, even with casual buddies, tells a different story. The reaction i have got from this so called younger generation, ranged from disgust to a feeling that these people should never really be allowed to roam freely.

I just hope, the next time i meet one of them on a train journey through the country, i will be able to see through my own revulsion.

Runnin' On Empty

When i signed up to run in the Pune marathon for AIDS awareness, i never expected the circus that it turned out to be. While i do agree that it was a charity event for a cause, it does get a bit frustrating when you realise most of the junta are just not interested in the 'marathon' part of the event. Of course, the main event (42.195 Kms) was goin on nearby, wher all the actual runners took part. So, what a few of us people who were actually interested in running the stretch found was that, we had to get around whole groups of people shouting and virtually partying on the roads, to actually get somewhere. This may have included dads, moms, uncles, aunties, grandmoms and granddaddies, and maybe the pet dog. And people with varying degrees of pouch around them that you wonder if they actually were planning to really run. And of course, the event hardly had a proper flag off, with the result, some people ended up startin off around a half hour after it actually began. Of course, it is also possible that a majority of the people turned up to catch the celebrities in action at the event. Salman, Sunil Gavaskar, Aarti Chabbria(man! what a babe!), and a couple of the Chak De girls... what more could the scream brigade ask for?
On the brighter side of things, me and my buddy Ab, had started practising on the road only a week or so before the run, and happily, managed to complete the near 5kms in around 25 mins with hardly any stoppages. Of course, Ab had whetted my appetite for it by proclaiming his aim of running in the Mumbai half marathon(21 kms) in january. That though remains to be seen.. though it does seem a great thing to look forward to practising for.

Now THAT would be what i call a marathon...

Hypocrisy and the Indian...

I've always wondered about this. I'm not forsaking or attacking anyone here, just something i find a bit annoying or even funny at times. You do wonder if people are like this anywhere else. The tendancy to speak or act in total discord to what is expected or what you say...
I mean, lets look at the attitude most indians have towards sex. You say the word out or start talkin anything about it frankly, they act as if we have sinned. But like i heard somewhere...man, the country has a friggin population of 1 billion! Somebody's gotta be doin it somewhere!! Or, an american pal i made recently, who wondered at the fact that talk of sex is supposed to be taboo, but how come the only thing you see when you channel surf these days on TV is skin show. And that too...pretty suggestive stuff most of the time(and you hear of actresses saying they would not kiss on screen. Most of the stuff they do on screen suggestively would anyday qualify as obscene in my book). Although i gotta admit, things are better than they used to be, i guess...
Then of course, there are the veggies or the non veggies(whichever way you choose to look at it), who are non veggie but dont eat meat on particular days of the week, coz of certain God knows what supernatural phenomena. What i cant understand is, if you do eat meat, how in the world does it make a difference if you eat it on a sunday and not on a saturday? Do the animals love being dead on a particular day and not on others? Yes, yes, i know its all got to do with beliefs, but, whatever...
Talkin of beliefs, you have graduates or people who may have studied in major universities, who would still probably come back to look at how their stars align according to some village astrologer, or to get a blessing maybe by being kicked in the head by some saint. Wonder what is the whole point of calling yourself educated. And before anybody points out that beliefs should always remain, i have to say, there is a big difference between a belief and plain stupidity.
And then of course you have the Great Indian Marriage Trick, where people talk of great love but choose brides or grooms depending on purely practical choices. I guess there is no other thing which sullies the image of what a marriage is really supposed to mean than the amazing routine activity people seemed to have made it into here. We talk of democracy and how people have to connect irrespective of religion or caste...until of course parents find out their kid wants to get married to someone from another religion or even caste. wow-ee. When are people going to realise that for interracial harmony, things have to start from a grassroot level?

Anywayz...before i vent out any further and go absolutely crazy.. i guess i'l sign off...

An Inheritance of Small Things

When i put down Kiran Desai's Booker prize winning 'The Inheritance of Loss' (last years booker winner) a strange sense of deja vu hit me. My mind went back to the last booker prize winning Indian author whose book i had read, namely, the God of Small Things (which won the booker in 1997). I wonder what it is about Indian booker winners and amazingly sad narratives. While the God of Small Things was set in a picteresque Kerala backdrop and an orthodox Christian family, Inheritance is set in Eastern India in a small village called Kalimpong. The main characters here are an old, embittered judge, who just seems to want to hide away from the world at his home at the bottom of the hill. The judge is revisited frequently by visions of his past, as a student in England, where, as a result of his low self esteem, he withdraws deeper and deeper into a shell, and virtually turns into a monster on return to India and his young wife. At his doorstep one day, arrives his grand daughter, Sai. Fate thrust her into his home, when her parents die in Russia, and she has to leave the boarding school she was staying at. Also in the narrative is the cook who has been with the judge for a long while. The narrative keeps switching between Kalimpong and the USA, where Biju, the cooks son, is struggling as an illegal immigrant to finally get himself a green card.

As i mentioned before, the book reminded me in certain ways of Arundhati Roy's modern classic. The unbearably sad family living out their almost invisible existence with little to look forward to. Inheritance also provides a backdrop to show a Gorkha uprising in the hills, which lead to a lot of bloodshed and violence. And Sai is personally and deeply affected by this. The man she had come to love, Gyan, her tutor, ends up joining the uprising and forsakes her. The climax may seem a bit abrupt for some, but for me, complemented the unbearable sadness pervading the whole book and its tone.

Not one of my favorites, but definitely worth a read...

Almighty Courage

The other day, i manage to catch a screening of 'A Mighty heart' starring Angelina Jolie. I did not know what to expect from the movie, considering that it was based on a real life incident. However, the movie was made like a taut, slick thriller, and with excellent direction. Indeed, there were times when you felt you were not so much as watchin, but were actually participating as a silent observer in the various attempts to try and get to Daniel Pearl. After the movie, as is customary for me these days, i visited IMDB to give my own rating and take a look at the message boards. A particular thread i saw there, brings me to the point of this post.

There was a post which was started with the mailer stating that he/she did not feel that Mr. Pearl was a hero, and that he actually should be blamed for putting himself and his family at such a risk, depsite knowing how dangerous it was for a person of Jewish descent as him, in these places. The responses for this varied, from those who were shocked with the writer, to those who were downright cynical...some even going so far as to say that Marianne Pearl is using her husbands death for her own ends.

As for me, i feel the above statement is one of the most insensitive things i have heard. We have to understand here that, nobody is really trying to make Pearl into a hero here. And nobody is really trying to discount the millions of other lives that may be getting lost to terrorists around the globe, by just focussing on one American murder. If one were to go by the argument that we cannot feel sorry just for one person, just because his story has been shown, while the others have not, i would like to say that, it is through these isolated stories of brutality that people can truly become aware. In my opinion Daniel Pearl was a hero, if simply for the fact that he believed in doing his job to the best of what he could, despite the fact that he probably knew that there was always a danger. I have heard somewhere, courage is not the absense of fear, its the knowledge that there is something more important than your fear. And Marianne Pearl is a bigger hero. She chose to make her husbands story heard, and in a very impartial manner. While i have not read the book, if the movie is anything to go by, we would realise that she herself says (in this case, Angeline Jolie) that thousands do get killed by terrorists, including a lot of people from the local population. And the movie itself portrays characters like the Inspector(Irrfan Khan, in a wonderfully realistic portrayal), good men, who just want to do their job right and just. If nothing else, this is one thing i greatly admired about the movie. The absence of stereotyping of any particular community. I have heard that the lady now travels to war torn places and tries to get other peoples stories heard. Definitely a hero, if i have ever heard of one.

Getting back to some of the lighter aspects of the movie, a lot of the filming took place in Pune itself(Aundh, to be precise), because the producers felt that certain areas of this city could pass off as Karachi. I have to admit, i had an element of curiosity because of this.

So, finally...is it worth it? Does it get across what it wants to say? I would say...a big resounding YES...or better yet, get the book. I sure am planning to.

Bhagat Singh opines...

The past weekend, i met up with a friend who used to work in my office, and who has now gone on to better things(good for him! :-) ). While it was wonderful to catch up after a long time, one of the things i love to do is talk about or listen to a passionate outpouring of one's ideals, especially if it is of interest to me. And that afternoon, sitting in the pleasant Pune weather, that is what we did. It started of as a discussion on religious beliefs and atheism, and ended up into one covering almost all aspects of Indian civilisation and beliefs. To be more precise, i did most of the listening, with genuine interest. I am pretty passionate about ideals and people i believe in, and it was refreshing to talk to someone of like mindedness, who just wanted to genuinely get his views across.

This took my mind back to earlier in the year, when the same person had sent me a link to an article by Bhagat Singh, citing his views on Atheism and why he follows it. A truly mind numbing one, in which the intelligence of the man shines through. While i am not exactly an atheist(yet!), i do have a general feeling of disillusionment and almost scorn to all practises in the name of religion and tradition. The last time i actually put together my hands and prayed to the almighty is a hazy memory by now.

Anywayz... i wanted to share the link to this fascinating article here, in the hope that people will try to read it with an open mind. Thanks, Shivs.. :-)


http://liveindianhistory.googlepages.com/bhagatsinghopines

T20...Cricket in the 21st Century...

Well...it looks like Twenty 20 is here to stay. I have to admit, i was not too excited about this latest version of the game when the idea was first floated. While i definitely am a fan of the idea of making cricket reach out to a wider audience, this at first seemed to me, to be a major compromise. I thought it would turn out to be just a slam bang fest wihtout a care given to the finer nuances of the game.I'm happy to see that i was mistaken.
I watched the final of the recently concluded T20 world cup in the frenzy atmosphere of my office campus. After a topsy turvy, and absolutely incredible game, which to me epitomised the whole spirit of this latest version of the game, India had finally prevailed over their rivals. And the place erupted. I hardly think the reactions could have been more delirious if it was the 50 over cup. After all the worries of whether India will be able to adapt to the new power game that is taking over cricket, it was refreshing to see them perform so well. Indeed if there is one thing this team showed, it is that strokeplay can be as effective in this version of the game as it is in the traditional format. And of course, it was wonderful to finally see a country other than Australia to win something!
What this tournament has shown is that T20 is a format which is not necessarily just a batsmen's game. If a bowler has the right stuff, he can make an impact. Who can forget what Vettori did against the Indians or what RP Singh did to the hosts, South Africa. And in the 20 overs, we have seen some wildly fluctuating games, with the advantage see sawing back and forth between the two teams. Add to it the fact that this was a very successful world cup from the organisational point of view. This is in stark contrast to the 50 over world cup earlier in the year in the West Indies, which was roundly critisized as an insipid affair, with amazingly bad organisation.
Come to think of it, you do wonder about the future of the 50 over game. While test cricket will always be popular among the purists and true lovers of the game, it does seem that T20 may just take away the sheen from 50 over cricket, which was anyways, in something of the doldrums. We may have to wait and watch on that front.
As for India, considering the fact that they were almost newcomers to T20 cricket, this win was both unexpected and invigorating. The young team led by Dhoni, showed remarkable presence of mind and character to hold on just when it mattered. Including the final against Pakistan, when they seemed to have let it slip out of their hands in the last over. One cannot help but remember the team which did so well in the 2002 Champions trophy in Sri Lanka and the 2003 world cup in South Africa. Hopefully, this team will go onto better things.

Voices Within...

I seem to have a major problem here. My mind is endlessly at war. With my mind. I just can't seem to shut out the voices in my head which keep talkin among themselves every frickin time. I mean, hey, gimme a break! Im tryin to lead a normal happy go frickin lucky life here. But no.. I have to be reminded of my past failures, disappointments, heartbreaks, doubts, fears of whats to come, indecision... And it just does not stop.

So, is it normal? I dunno, but it sure doesnt seem so. And in these times of doubts and wavering goals, it seems to have reached a crescendo.

I gotta get a shrink....

A Thousand Splendid Suns

The moment i saw Khalid Hosseini's second book on the stands, i knew i wanted to read it. Thanks to a good friend of mine, i managed to land up a copy of it on my birthday. Expectations were high because of his wonderful first book, The Kite Runner.
My emotions while i was reading this book, and on completing it was surreal, to say the least. One thing that has to be very clear is that it is a very depressing book at times. But, then, you feel its a depression you have to try and understand. That these kinds of lives are being played out in a million homes around the world. That to close your senses to this book, is a crime, in a way.
So, does it surpass his previous work? In a nutshell, i would say, yes, it does. While the Kite Runner was also a story which had its roots in Afghanistan, it was at times, an adventure story. This book, though, is a stark and unflinching look at the lives of two women in war torn Afghanistan. The book opens with 15 year old Mariam living in a kolba outside city limits. She is the harami daughter of a rich person in the city. Circumstances force her to marry Rasheed, a widower, and move to Kabul. Rasheed, a staunch believer in age old customs, starts getting increasingly violent towards her. In the same neighbourhood lives Laila, whose parents have a more modernistic outlook towards life. Tragic circumstances force Laila to join Mariam's household. While the hardships continue, the women form an unbreakable bond, which allows them to get through all the hardships they have to face.
The story does get too melodramatic at times, but you realise there is a message here. That behind every burqa, there lies a million stories. Stories of pain, suffering, dreams... The melodrama does seem justified here. The book also paints a vivid picture of Afghanistan, and how that country has been at an endless war for the last few decades.
Redemption is alsways a recurring theme in Hosseini's books. Even here, past the suffering, the pain and the ravages of war, finally, there is hope again. This is a book i highly recommend to anyone. If not for anything else, atleast for an amazing character study of two unbelievably brave women.

I...

Well actually... I dont know what i am writing about. This blog is my attempt to break my duck for the last 6 months on this page. Right now i am absolutely inspired to write something. Problem is, i dunno wat. So maybe i can write about my lunch today. Which was nothing special. I had my perrenial favorite in the Infy food courts, the egg noodles served by the Tamanna canteen. I had lunch with Vandana as usual. Probably irritated her too, as usual. Which is okay i gez, since yesterday she had sent off a mail to my colleagues sayin that i got engaged! (I am still getting compliments).
I could write about the fact that i had a slight fever yesterday, which actually scared me no end, since i have to go on a much awaited pleasure trip tonorrow to Delhi and Goa with my hommie from college, Arun and his American boss. But then again, it doesnt seem too interesting right now.
And now, when i so seriously want to discuss the problems besetting this world of ours, my gal pal from college, Sangeetha, has interrupted me! Talk about problems!
Hmm.. Well, the last movie i saw was the Insider on my laptop. Now that was a good flick. An amazing drama. Excellent performances, not just from Russell Crowe and Al Pacino, but from an excellent supporting cast. Micheal Mann is a director whose movies impress me no end. Even his supposedly 'worst movie', Miami Vice. I absolutely loved it. And of course, if tobacco companies actually do what is mentioned in the movie, it is a MAJOR problem. Although i feel a bit hypocritical now, since i am a smoker myself, but there you are.
Well, i did get inspired to write after coming across my philosopher pal's blog (privatesofthecarribean.blogspot.com). The idyllic environs of Sleepy little Thrissur seems to have brought out the writer in him. Although there was a part i did not totally agree with. In one post of his, he has mentioned that one of the things he likes the most about Kerala is the people. Somehow, for me, the thing i like the most of the place is the amazingly pristine beauty the land offers. Sometimes you feel that God has taken residence for good in this part of the world, and forsaken the rest of the world. The PEOPLE, on the other hand, have always, i have felt, taken this for granted. Its not that the land is so beautiful because of them, rather, in spite of them. Of course, i am not totally against them, but then, that old adage i heard somewhere, comes to mind.. Gods Own Country with the Devils own People...

And therein lies a long story...

Diamonds are forever...or so they say..

Last night, me and a buddy went to catch the late nite show of Blood Diamond. Though i had already seen it once, it was a testament to how much i liked the flick, that i decided to watch the late nite show, despite it being a dreary weekday, and an episode with the ever endearing auto drivers of Pune on the cards..

The movie has already entered my pantheon of great movies i have watched. i guess i should have paid more heed to the directing credits. One of Edward Zwicks previous flicks, 'Courage Under Fire' , starring my personal fave, Denzel Washington, also happens to be one of my fave movies. But this one was definitely more powerful. The beauty of the Sierra Leone landscape has been interspersed seamlessly with the gore that has become commonplace in that country, and probably in that continent. Like they say..TIA..'This is Africa'.. The opening sequence of the RUF rebels coming and laying waste the village to which Soloman Vandy (Djimon Hounsou) belongs, sets the tone for the rest of the movie, which manages to spread the message of the illegal diamond trading that cost locals their lives, while at the same time, keeping you at the edge of your seats as a slick action thriller.

Leonardo DiCaprio..for the first time (yes, not even in the Departed), looks like a tough guy. though i never had any doubts about his acting chops, his baby face made me skeptical about him in these kind of roles. But, boy did he carry it off well. I still feel like sayin to everyone. 'Ma man'..in the Rhodesian accent he portrays in the movie. This movie should finally, atleast for me, lay to rest his Titanic image. Before i saw the movie, i was wondering if they gave him the Oscar nomination for the wrong movie(i was expecting him to get it for the Departed)..but this is definitely a more worthy performance.

The other stars in the cast also give stellar performances. Djimon Hounsou is perfectly believable as the tough yet simple village fisherman, who just wants his family back. Jennifer Connelly, apart from looking ravishing, seems to be perfectly cast..

The movie has a number of poignant sequences..when Leonardo's Danny Archer finally breaks down and says 'Sometimes i wonder if God would ever forgive us for what we've done.. But then i realise, God left this place a long time ago..'
Or the scene when Archer is leaving and Connelly gives him, just a glance..but a glance which conveyed a lifetime of longing..Archer's response? 'some other life, maybe'..

Even the bad guy had some great lines..'You may think I'm a devil..but only because i have lived in hell'..

This is one for my all time faves..Whenz the DVD comin?

Nostalgia..

Ah...Nostalgia.. A wonderful feelin at times. Today, as another one of my close pals in my project area leaves for pastures new and greener, i am left wondering.. What of it all? Life... We come in touch with so many people. A few leave their indelible imprints within us. A few leave scars. But at the end of the day, they all contribute to a maelstrom of emotions that run within our minds. How many of our lasting memories involve people we may not even be in touch with anymore? If you can say none or very few, well, u'v done a better job of keepin up with your pals than me, i guess. Although, it is not for want of effort. Recently i have managed to trace out some friends of mine, with whom i lost touch around 12 years ago. Now that is a lot of time... Of course, not that we've once again become the best of buddies, but i had to satisfy that thirst in me, to find out just where these people who meant a lot to me at one point, ended up..

But, then again..is that one of the bittersweet aspects of being nostalgic? Does the fact that we dont even really know what the people we are thinkin og are upto, add to the romance of nostalgia? Sometimes, i do think so. I believe, its the romantics who can actually get nostalgic..more than the others.. (And no, i am not some hopeless romantic, about to whine away my frustrations here)..

At the end of the day, everytime a person who has left a mark on me leaves, i feel a pang somewhere.. It hurts a bit. Sometimes i wonder.. what if... i dont see this person again? For me, its a mind boggling thought.. the prospect of not seeing a person you knew till yesterday, ever again.. It happened when i left college. When i was sayin goodbye to certain people..i just knew.. i wont be seein them again..

Then again..every experience is to be cherished. Like one of my best pals, and a person i like a lot, says.. 'No experience is not worth having. Cherish evertything that went by you and everything that is to come'... That according to me, sums up life very well...

After all, you aint gonna be around forever. So u might as well make the most of what you have...

Loser?!

The other day, i had gone to the post office to personally pick up the second admit card i got for CAT. Ofcourse, me being the egoistic self loving screwup i am, i figured the reason they sent me two admit cards was coz they didnt want this bright prospect slipping throught their hands!!! I guess i sort of missed out the fine print at the bottom which said that the arlier admit card stands cancelled due to an error in printing of address. Luckily(or unluckily?) for me, one of my roomies didnt miss it, and dutifully pointed it out to me. Shucks...just when i thought im entering the CAT hall of famers.... On the other hand, i guess it was good he did so, else i most probably wouldnt have noticed it, and i probably woulda looked like a fool entering the hall with two admit cards!!

Anyways..as me and a certain pal of mine(i am hiding his name as i dont want all the frustrated dudes out there to zero in on him!) were returning from the post office, we stopped for brekky at a nice restaurant. So suddenly, he goes "Man..girls are selfish! They only look for money!".
Now, considering the fact that i am coming off a pretty bad recent experience with a member of the opposite sex, i gez u can understand my apprehension at entering this very potentially sensitive area.. But, anywayz... we go on. And finally he comes out with a statement..

"man, i dont wanna go for an arranged marriage... Thats for losers"

Now i dont know about u... but that has to be one of the best arguments iv heard in the neverending argument on love or arranged!!! or atleast, wat i feel.. the point was put across with such finality and simplicity! Sheer Poetry!!!!!!!!

Oh...and btw...the person in question is still single....

Chronicles of the CAT...The Numbers, The Words and the Tabletop

As i sit here on another jobless day.. I thought i'l write something on my various committed efforts to start preparing (note that i did not mention 'clear') for that mother ofall exams for graduates in India..i.e the Common Aptitude Exam aka CAT.. which for me has for some time,gone to the dogs..One of the pains iv had to live with for the past year is the ignominy of varied people telling me that im actually not good for nothing and can do something about my life, if and oh, only if, i prepare and clear the bloody test. This is a direct result of havin got an outrageously high(but useless, ultimately) percentile the previous year without taxing mygrey cells too much. Of course, once something like that happens, there is no stopping people..
I am attempting here to chronicle my varied and genuine attempts to start on the path to the ultimate success(or so they say)..

1) My wonderful roomie tried to use reverse psychology on me. The previous year he had tried his best goading me on to study by usingvarious inspirational quotes. Somehow he didnt think he got the message thru. So this year, he changed tracks. He started reminding me at every juncture how useless i was and that it was better i do not study, thinking that his venow will spur me on to disprove his doom prophecies. Unfortunately though, it didnt seem to have the desired effect, as i pretty much agreed with every thing he said.God bless his soul, he must be regretting the day he made me agree to give the CAT.

2)This was a great idea given to me by a fellow responsible citizen.. Start a column in the local newspaper called 'CAT as a timepass'.. Could have been my ticket to fame and fortune. But then again,maybe not.

3) Another one of my ever caring pals came up with a great idea the day before the CAT last year. He told me, and i quote..'Dude, dont touch the books anymore...Now just relax'. Of course, i took his advice. The funny thing was, i hadnt touched it for the past coupla months. Wonder if he had known that he would have given me thesame piece of advice. Oh well...

4)Suddenly a great idea struck me. I figured, the reason i dont study is coz my table top is untidy. I figured, clean table, even cleaner mind.So, i set about clearing up my table. Trouble was, it was the first bit of cleaning i was doing in a long time.By the time iwas done, i had even inspired my roomies to start cleaning up their things. Unfortunately for me,the cleanin up took so much effort, that i had no strength left to study. And by the next day, funnily, the table again looked back to normal. Ah....back to square one...or is it a circle?

5)Well, now i was getting desperate. My ticket to a good life was disintegrating before my very eyes. Imagine..elsei could be stuck to the drudgery of a software job for the rest of my life. The thoughtgave me goosebumbs. So much so that i decided it was time for drastic measures. I went and had a beer.And another one. Then i decided i shall come back and conquer that maths book lying in front of me.It seemed to work. Atleast for 15 minutes. By then, i had decided that this was way toosimple stuff for a genius like me. And i closed the books. Somehow, wen i woke up the next morning, i didnt seem to feel the same. Some ppl think that was the effect of the beer. Naa, couldnt be..

6)I went to a seminar, along with my roomie, wher the great men who got thru the previous exams,gave their infinite pearls of wisdom. Problem was, they only reinforced my beliefthat CAT aint that tuff...its just competitive..great..so whoz gonna study for an exam thats not tuff??


So..thats it...now therz exactly 9 days to go for the big day. And ive decided that maybe therz just one thing left to do.. OH man...im gonna get stoned..and then write it... Im pretty sureit will work. If anybody has any other bright ideas, please, let me know. I'llmake sure i will remember you in my acceptance speech when i pass out with honours fromIIM- watever...

Munnabhai Rokz!!

The other day, as i was caught in the loneliness of Diwali (most souls around here had gone off home, while i was left wondering why the heck my parents had to be somewher else at this time of the year), i caught up wit by buddy, George. Since he had yet to catch the brightest flick of the year, Lage Raho Munnabhai, we decided to catch a mornin show of it. I had, of course, seen it before. The first time i watched it, i remember it as a feel good film. But not just feel good. This was a movie with a difference. Genuinely. I had gone for it expecting some great rib tickling comedy, but nothing much else. yes, it was outrageously funny. But thats not it. It also had a great, sweet love story thrown in. But thats also not it. For the first time in my life, it actually made me understand what Gandhi was all about. Now im not going to endorse him here or anything. However, the way the idea of achieving something without resorting to violence was portrayed, u have to have a heart of stone to not get moved by it. This is a great flick. It was dangerous territory to step into. One goof up in the presentation could hav resulted in the whole thing degenerating into a parody of Gandhi. However, it didnt. A movie like this in todays day and age is priceless. I heard that they were sending it as an independant entry to the oscars. Wonderful news..It actually may stand a great chance. Of course, i also loved India's official entry to the oscars this year, that neo-revolutionary classic, Rang De Basanti.

But watching it for the second time, i felt a wonderful, soothing feeling..like it was all possible. The movie stays on with you. I hope everyone who watched it was able to look beyond the laughs. Because, thats what it deserves. I probably wouldnt mind watching it again. And again. Just to remember that...things are never as bad as they seem.

I heard they're makin another sequel to this series. Bring it on. Feel Good Entertainment?? This is Feel Amazing...

Hate.Anger

Hate.Anger.Depression. Can there be any worse a confluence of emotions than these three?But that is what is raging within my insides and my mind now. It makes me numb at times. My mind becomes frozen with hate. I know. It may be unreasonable and downright stupid. But why do i have a feeling that i have a right to it? That somewhere along the line, i was played with? Yesterday, in the pure torture for 2 and a frickin half hours of the so called mock CAT, as i was sitting there with nothing to do, my mind was suddenly overflowing with the confluence of these three emotions.. Rage overpowered me fo rsome time. But, like everything else in life, this too shall pass. Or i hope it will. Everybody has a reason for their actions. I hope i will understand them at a later phase of my life. Because, at the end of the day, i want to forgive and forget. Or maybe, be forgiven. I dont know. Maybe i was also wrong. I probably was, actually. Still...

A phrase given at the beginning of that classic saga, 'The Thorn Birds', comes to mind. Although i do not remember enough toreproduce it verbatim here, it talks of a bird, which from the moment it is born, keeps flyimg till it finds the perfect thorn on which it will impale itself. Once it does, it gives out its wail of agony, which is supposed to be the most beautiful sound heard across the land. We are like that at times. We know beforehand that doing something may crush us. But we still do it. And we still live on...

Faith!

Faith.. One word which can mean a lot. I have always wondered at the power it has to lift up seemingly shattered souls. Especially that of the religious nature. Religious faith is something which i myself have never been able to fathom, atleast up til now. That does not mean that i scorn or do not advocate it. I guess i just feel disillusioned at the nature of disharmony religion seems to be causing everywher, that it seems more of a pain than a boon.(And im not talking about just violence or riots. Issues begin at grassroot level. Things like families not allowing people to be together on account of caste or race. It does seem to be enough to take away the faith in these matters for any decent open minded soul. And the funny thing is, a lot of the youth still believe parents are right in these kind of issues!)

But..i marvel at times...even envy sometimes, at how people seem to just be able to talk to God. At the absolute harmony they seem to find in praying and sharing their troubles. It actually seems to lighten their hearts in times of distress. I donot remember the last time i opened up my mind and prayed. Not because i do not believe in a divine power, but because i have never been able to establish a form of communication or faith. And at times, i wish i had the faith. Like now. Times when i feel utterly despondent and when life seems to be flowing away in an aimless river.

Sometimes i do wonder...will i ever be able to get that peace of inner mind.. or will these emotional demons keep following me?

Maybe one day, even i will find my faith and fall on my knees and pray. Til then, i probably will not set foot in a place of worship..

Anger

Anger...Its a very unhealthy emotion. So they say.. But is it? Right now, i am filled with so much of it that i dont know wher the line that divides love and hate blurs. Both are very strong emotions. Sometimes i feel they can even overlap...sounds dumb? I dont think so. Because, i can feel it.
Coming back to anger... I am supposed to hav a lot of work right now, but this emotion is clutching at my insides...and spreading...and you know what. I dont actually mind it so much. Almost as if it is willing me to press forward. Oh, if you are wondering who or wat i am angry at....keep wondering!! ;-)

But, believe me...it aint such a bad thing...at times...

Boulevard!!

I walk a lonely road
The only one that i have ever know

Dont know where it goes
But its only me and I walk alone
I walk alone I walk alone

My shadow is he only one
that walks beside me

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone
Aha
aha

I am walking down the line

Read between the lines
Whats fucked up and everything is allright

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone

My shadows the only one

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
I walk this empty Street
on the boulevard of broken dreams

My shadow is the only one
who walks beside me

My shallow hearts the only one things that beating

Till then I walk alone

---- Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day...

This song has got to be my favorite these days...Just love the theme and spirit of the song

Mondays!!!

Mondays.....no matter how much u try to stay away...they keep comin back at ya..For some time now, the monday blues have been affectin me quite a bit. Dunno whether its just because of my present disillusionments or just coz im plain startin to get sick of office... That feelin in the pit of my stomach has stil not gone away. Though these days, strangely, it seems to have receded at least a tiny wee bit..The only worry i have is that i feel like havin a smoke every mornin wen i get up. It seems to lessen that sinking feelin. But that is not good now, is it? Letting ur mental well being depend upon a stick of tobacco with 'a fool at one end and smoke at the other' (so they say...what do they know??)
But then again, like it says in Shantaram...' When anyone asks me why i smoke...I smoke because like everyone else in the world who smokes, i want to die atleast as much as i want to live' (anther one of my favorites...cant seem to get over that book...i think i gotta devote an entire post just to it...)
But, then again, why is that sinking feeling diminishing? Nothing has really happened...Or is it that i am unconsciously letting go? Finally..i dunno... All i know is that its not the way i want it to end.. This will probably have lifelong repercussions for me. I think i have been scarred by this in a way that i really cant explain....

Well....since certain cartoons around here(namely Rivas(a.k.a privatesofthecarribean.blogspot.com(check it out)) have broken my very intellectual train of thoughts, i gez il be signin off here..)