Boulevard!!

I walk a lonely road
The only one that i have ever know

Dont know where it goes
But its only me and I walk alone
I walk alone I walk alone

My shadow is he only one
that walks beside me

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone
Aha
aha

I am walking down the line

Read between the lines
Whats fucked up and everything is allright

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone

My shadows the only one

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
I walk this empty Street
on the boulevard of broken dreams

My shadow is the only one
who walks beside me

My shallow hearts the only one things that beating

Till then I walk alone

---- Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day...

This song has got to be my favorite these days...Just love the theme and spirit of the song

Mondays!!!

Mondays.....no matter how much u try to stay away...they keep comin back at ya..For some time now, the monday blues have been affectin me quite a bit. Dunno whether its just because of my present disillusionments or just coz im plain startin to get sick of office... That feelin in the pit of my stomach has stil not gone away. Though these days, strangely, it seems to have receded at least a tiny wee bit..The only worry i have is that i feel like havin a smoke every mornin wen i get up. It seems to lessen that sinking feelin. But that is not good now, is it? Letting ur mental well being depend upon a stick of tobacco with 'a fool at one end and smoke at the other' (so they say...what do they know??)
But then again, like it says in Shantaram...' When anyone asks me why i smoke...I smoke because like everyone else in the world who smokes, i want to die atleast as much as i want to live' (anther one of my favorites...cant seem to get over that book...i think i gotta devote an entire post just to it...)
But, then again, why is that sinking feeling diminishing? Nothing has really happened...Or is it that i am unconsciously letting go? Finally..i dunno... All i know is that its not the way i want it to end.. This will probably have lifelong repercussions for me. I think i have been scarred by this in a way that i really cant explain....

Well....since certain cartoons around here(namely Rivas(a.k.a privatesofthecarribean.blogspot.com(check it out)) have broken my very intellectual train of thoughts, i gez il be signin off here..)

Pain is a very strong emotion.. It keeps clawing at your insides until you feel like your falling into an abyssfrom which you cannot get out of..Much the same way as jealousy..another emotion, i feel, which clings to your insides and spreads itself out, till you just cant think straight and all rationality takes a beating.
As for pain, when it is coupled with desire so strong for something you want but, for reasons you just cannot explain, you can never get. The emptiness which fills you is so strong that nothing else just seems to matter. It becomes hard to really smile for anything andeach morning you wake up to, a feeling of butterflies strangely fills the pit of your stomach.It is something which i have faced before. But these days, the nights have become breeding grounds for weird dreams, with all sorts of characters flitting in and out, and i wake up to a feeling of impending doom. Desperately trying to get away from the root cause of my predicament, there are times when i think i am succeeding, only to realise im back to square one. In the end, i guess the reason for this is because of the fact that im probably running away from it. Running away never really works. Unless you can get to a state of complete peace of mind, salvation is far off...

Happiness!!!!

'Happiness is an Unproductive Imagination'...

This has been a quote which has fascinated me for a long time. Ever since i saw it during those good ol' schooldays (funny how everyone seems to think they'r so 'good ol'' once u move on, though they may actually hav never been so 'good ol'' in reality!).. The Chicane video..with Bryan Adams gruff vocals..'Dont give up'.. (A pretty good track,btw)...

Something worth pondering over, i felt...i have repeated it a number of times to various pals, old and new, however, in never more than a light hearted vein..

Happiness, to me, has always seemed the state that everyone searches for, from time immemorial.. Like thy say in that dream of a book, 'Shantaram', 'the search for a truth greater than our own'..(although i gez he was actually talking bout love there).. but then again, arent love and happiness interdependant? Love does that to you. It can build up your emotions to a crescendo...then bring you crashin down all over again. Which is the main reason i try to figure it ut...is Happiness an Unproductive imagination???' After all, its just a state of mind, which is as transient as the next..

Talkin bout love, a statement my best buddy once made about it comes to mind..'Love is like Dope..It gives you a high, but then you get addicted to it'... dunno if it was original, or if he got it from somewhere..but boy, what a way to put things in perspective...(Yep, u got it rite...we both were comin out of a bad experience with members of the opposite sex at the time...a wonder how ppl can become great poets and philosophers wen they'v just been failed by love!!)

Seems that happiness can be different for different people...like they say, 'one mans floor is another mans ceiling',..but then, it basically comes down to the same thing...its just a state of mind which can vanish in an instant...although we can always keep tryin to convince ourselves that we are actually happy...

Or maybe, im just basically a sad guy..Dunno...but ive had enuff of happy talk for a day...signin off...