There comes times in life when you introspect and retrospect. Or maybe a lot of times. You look at yourself in a mirror of your mind with the eyes of your childhood and you sometimes see a total stranger staring back at you. And you wonder, is that really me? You realise you have gone far from the person you once were or who you once wanted to be and there may not be any looking back.
Well i guess i'm just trying to say that this is pretty much what i have felt on occasions. Or on a lot of occasions. Have i gone too far away from the person i once was or i once wanted to be? I sometimes imagine myself as a kid looking through the looking glass at the older version of me, and i feel i probably wouldnt have recognised myself.
The other day, an old buddy of mine, from my days in DPS, Kuwait, called me up. After all the usual banter and nostalgic returns to school days, he told me, u know, i'm pretty disappointed in you. I was like, why? Well, i always thought you had more in you. You could have been somewhere man. Well, i thought i'm not exactly doing too bad right now, but i got the drift. I remembered a biology teacher i used to have during my school days. She used to think( for some reason) that i could DO something, but that i was an enigma. I remember her shouting at my parents everytime there was a parents teacher meeting, whenever she felt i was not at par.
Well, i wish i could tell her now... Sometimes, i'm an enigma to myself. But then again, what do people mean when they say they have expectations of someone? Expectations that someone will be a good person? Well, i would like to think that i'm not exactly a monster. Or is it expectations as in the yardstick of achievements that the world measures you by? Well, maybe i have disappointed myself and quite a few well wishers there. But then again, do i really want to
join that rat race?
What i would consider an achievement is satisfying your own self. Knowing truthfully within, that this is what you wanted from yourself, and that you're getting there.
Not that i think i'm there yet. Actually... there's still a long way to go.
1 comment:
You inspired a post in me. Probably post it when I get the time.
But here's my take on the whole thing. You are who you are and its not something that others have a say on. Its something that only you have a say on. So your teacher wanted you to be a Sex Education Teacher. But the q is do you? Would that make you happy?
I believe everyone becomes happy if I am happy. And if I aint happy, then I aint making anyone else happy. So you are rescuing the world from deep depression by becoming happy yourself. The question is always: What do you have to do to be happy (and thus rescue the world from deep depression).
Good post mate.
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