Chronicles of the CAT...The Numbers, The Words and the Tabletop

As i sit here on another jobless day.. I thought i'l write something on my various committed efforts to start preparing (note that i did not mention 'clear') for that mother ofall exams for graduates in India..i.e the Common Aptitude Exam aka CAT.. which for me has for some time,gone to the dogs..One of the pains iv had to live with for the past year is the ignominy of varied people telling me that im actually not good for nothing and can do something about my life, if and oh, only if, i prepare and clear the bloody test. This is a direct result of havin got an outrageously high(but useless, ultimately) percentile the previous year without taxing mygrey cells too much. Of course, once something like that happens, there is no stopping people..
I am attempting here to chronicle my varied and genuine attempts to start on the path to the ultimate success(or so they say)..

1) My wonderful roomie tried to use reverse psychology on me. The previous year he had tried his best goading me on to study by usingvarious inspirational quotes. Somehow he didnt think he got the message thru. So this year, he changed tracks. He started reminding me at every juncture how useless i was and that it was better i do not study, thinking that his venow will spur me on to disprove his doom prophecies. Unfortunately though, it didnt seem to have the desired effect, as i pretty much agreed with every thing he said.God bless his soul, he must be regretting the day he made me agree to give the CAT.

2)This was a great idea given to me by a fellow responsible citizen.. Start a column in the local newspaper called 'CAT as a timepass'.. Could have been my ticket to fame and fortune. But then again,maybe not.

3) Another one of my ever caring pals came up with a great idea the day before the CAT last year. He told me, and i quote..'Dude, dont touch the books anymore...Now just relax'. Of course, i took his advice. The funny thing was, i hadnt touched it for the past coupla months. Wonder if he had known that he would have given me thesame piece of advice. Oh well...

4)Suddenly a great idea struck me. I figured, the reason i dont study is coz my table top is untidy. I figured, clean table, even cleaner mind.So, i set about clearing up my table. Trouble was, it was the first bit of cleaning i was doing in a long time.By the time iwas done, i had even inspired my roomies to start cleaning up their things. Unfortunately for me,the cleanin up took so much effort, that i had no strength left to study. And by the next day, funnily, the table again looked back to normal. Ah....back to square one...or is it a circle?

5)Well, now i was getting desperate. My ticket to a good life was disintegrating before my very eyes. Imagine..elsei could be stuck to the drudgery of a software job for the rest of my life. The thoughtgave me goosebumbs. So much so that i decided it was time for drastic measures. I went and had a beer.And another one. Then i decided i shall come back and conquer that maths book lying in front of me.It seemed to work. Atleast for 15 minutes. By then, i had decided that this was way toosimple stuff for a genius like me. And i closed the books. Somehow, wen i woke up the next morning, i didnt seem to feel the same. Some ppl think that was the effect of the beer. Naa, couldnt be..

6)I went to a seminar, along with my roomie, wher the great men who got thru the previous exams,gave their infinite pearls of wisdom. Problem was, they only reinforced my beliefthat CAT aint that tuff...its just competitive..great..so whoz gonna study for an exam thats not tuff??


So..thats it...now therz exactly 9 days to go for the big day. And ive decided that maybe therz just one thing left to do.. OH man...im gonna get stoned..and then write it... Im pretty sureit will work. If anybody has any other bright ideas, please, let me know. I'llmake sure i will remember you in my acceptance speech when i pass out with honours fromIIM- watever...